AFTER 30

YOU KNOW... THERE REALLY IS A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN BEING IN YOUR 20S AND YOUR 30S... I ALWAYS THINK ABOUT IT FROM TIME TO TIME AND LOOK BACK AT WHEN I WAS YOUNGER. JUST THE WAY I USE TO BE COMPARED TO NOW IS SO DIFFERENT. THE WAY YOU THINK, THE WAY YOU ACT, THE WAY YOU JUST ARE. YOU KNOW YOURE GOING TO GROW UP SOONER OR LATER, BUT YOU DONT REALLY NOTICE IT, MAYBE YOU DO, BUT WHEN A SIMILAR SITUATION COMES UP FROM WHEN YOURE YOUNGER AND NOW YOU REACT DIFFERENTLY YOU REALLY NOTICE IT. YOURE MORE GROWN UP NOW, AND MORE MATURE. YOU MIGHT WANT TO REACT THE SAME WAY BUT YOU REALIZE WHY WOULD YOU. LIKE SITUATION THAT I WOULD USE TO REACT TO OR WOULD TEST MY PATIENCE, NOW I JUST DONT BOTHER ANYMORE. I TEND TO JUST LET IT GO NOW, WHY WASTE YOUR TIME AND ENERGY ON SOMETHING SO STUPID. HOW ABOUT GOING OUT... I USE TO GO OUT ALL THE TIME, PARTIES WERE NOTHING. I HAVENT GONE PARTYING IN A WHILE, BUT EVEN JUST THINKING ABOUT IT SOMETIMES MAKES ME TIRED. USE TO HAVE SO MUCH ENERGY, NOW I JUST WANT TO NAP LOL. BELIEVE IT OR NOT, I USE TO BE LOUD. IVE TOLD YOU ALL BEFORE, THAT BACK IN HIGH SCHOOL I WAS VOTED THE LOUDEST PERSON IN SCHOOL. THESE DAYS SURE I CAN BE LOUD IF I HAVE TO, BUT GENERALLY IM PRETTY QUIET. IT JUST TAKES TOO MUCH TO BE LOUD. BEFORE I WOULD JUST SAY WHATS ON MY MIND, NEVER CARED WHAT PEOPLE THOUGHT. I STILL DO NOT CARE WHAT PEOPLE THINK, BUT NOW I FILTER WHAT I SAY MORE. ITS JUST TOO MUCH WORK TO DEAL WITH THE SITUATION SOMETIMES AND THEN THERES JUST NOT CARING AND YOU JUST WANT THE CONVERSATION TO END. THERES JUST SO MUCH MORE BETWEEN 20S AND 30S. JUST LOOK HOW YOU USE TO DRESS AND NOW. IF I REALLY WANTED TO THIS WOULD BE A LONG LIST BUT YOU GET MY POINT. 20S YOU CARE TOO MUCH ABOUT EVERYTHING, AND AFTER 30 YOU JUST DONT CARE OR GIVE A F ANYMORE.

HOLY CRAP!!! THIS IS POST #400!!! THATS A POST A WEEK FOR OVER 7.5 YEARS!!! CONGRATS TO ME AND TO MANY MORE... MAYBE... LOL

RT

BLACK HOLE!!!

WELL... I TOTALLY HAD A QUALITY POST READY TO GO TODAY BUT THEN THIS NEWS CAME OUT AND I JUST HAD TO WRITE ABOUT IT WHILE ITS HOT. HERES A LITTLE KNOWN FACT ABOUT ME... I READ... SOMETIMES... ABOUT NEWS... AND RANDOM STUFF... ANYWAYS IM PRETTY SURE YOU ALL HAVE HEARD THE NEWS BY NOW, OR MAYBE I SENT YOU ALL THE LINK ALREADY... THE FIRST EVER BLACK HOLE WAS PHOTOGRAPHED AND RELEASED!!! OMG OMG OMG AHHHH!!! IM A SCI-FI GUY AND THE WHOLE NOTION OF BLACK HOLE INTRIGUES ME. IL GIVE MY VIEWS ON THIS IN A MOMENT, BUT FIRST LETS JUST GO OVER THE SPECS. THEY HAVE BEEN SAYING THEY COULDNT PHOTOGRAPH A BLACK HOLE BUT THEY HAVE NOW AND ITS A HUGE STEP FORWARD FOR SCIENCE. ANYWAYS... IT TOOK 8 CRAZY TELESCOPES, DECADES OF RESEARCH, MILLIONS AND MILLIONS OF DOLLARS, TO FIND A BLACK HOLE THATS 55 MILLION LIGHT YEARS AWAY, 40 BILLION KM ACROSS, 3 MILLION TIMES THE SIZE OF EARTH, AND HAS A MASS 6.5 BILLION TIMES THAT OF THE SUN. ITS A BEAST OF A BLACK HOLE! WE KNOW VERY LITTLE ABOUT BLACK HOLES AND WHAT WE DO KNOW IS A LOT OF THEORIES. WE KNOW ITS DENSE, WE KNOW NOTHING CAN ESCAPE IT... NOT EVEN LIGHT, GRAVITY AND SPACE TIME IS AFFECTED, BUT WHAT ELSE DO WE KNOW. ITS NOT LIKE WE HAVE ACTUALLY WENT AND LOOKED AT ONE. THERES APPARENTLY A BLACK HOLE CLOSER TO OUR MILKY WAY BUT ITS NOWHERE THE SIZE OF THIS BEAST AND DOESNT HAVE AN ACCRETION DISC LIKE THIS ONE. YES I KNOW WORDS LOL. THE PROBLEM IS THAT THERE IS SO MUCH MORE THAT SCIENCE DOESNT KNOW. THEY EVEN ADMIT THAT IF LIGHT CANT ESCAPE IT, THEN HOW IS THE LIGHT PRODUCED... WHAT IS THE LIGHT THAT WE SEE... THEN THERES THE ALL IMPORTANT QUESTION OF... WHERE DOES THE BLACK HOLE GO... THERES TONS OF SCHOOLS OF THOUGHT. SOME SAY THAT IT GOES TO ANOTHER UNIVERSE, OR THAT IT ESCAPES OUR REALITY, ANOTHER DIMENSION, ANOTHER TIME AND SPACE, WHO KNOWS AND WHO WILL EVER KNOW... WHAT IS AT THE CENTER OF THE SINGULARITY... WHAT HAPPENS PAST THE EVENT HORIZON... ITS SUPPOSED TO BE DENSE, SO DENSE THAT IT JUST COLLAPSES IN ON ITSELF... BUT THEN WHERE DOES EVERYTHING GO? EVEN IF WE WANTED TO FIND OUT WE WOULDNT BE ABLE TO... SAY WE CAN MAKE IT TO THE BLACK HOLE, THE ISSUE IS THAT WE WOULD BE CRUSHED BEFORE WE EVEN GET CLOSE TO IT, AND IF SOMEHOW WE WERE ABLE TO MAKE IT TO THE BLACK HOLE THERES NO WAY BACK. SHOWS LIKE STARGATE AND ANDROMEDA AND MOVIES LIKE INTERSTELLAR GIVE US A GLIMPSE OF WHAT COULD POSSIBLY BE ON THE OTHER SIDE, BUT THATS ALL FOR ENTERTAINMENT. THEN AGAIN WHO KNOWS. MAYBE IT REALLY IS A DOORWAY TO ANOTHER UNIVERSE. IF YOU THINK ABOUT IT, IT CANT JUST GO NOWHERE... EVERYTHING IS EVERYWHERE AND MATTER IS EVERYWHERE... IT CANT JUST BE GONE... IT REALLY COULD BE A HIGHER PLAN OF EXISTENCE OR CONSCIOUSNESS AS WELL. MAYBE THE BLACK HOLE IS ALIVE AND IS A LIVING ENTITY... WHO KNOWS. IF I COULD, I WOULD TOTALLY VOLUNTEER TO GO AND FIND OUT WHATS ON THE OTHER SIDE. I DONT CARE IF NO ONE EVER FINDS OUT THE ANSWER, AS LONG AS I KNOW, THATS GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME. I THINK I WOULD WANT TO KNOW TO SATISFY MY OWN CURIOSITY. THEN WHAT ABOUT A WHITE HOLE... I GUESS THATS A TOPIC FOR ANOTHER TIME. AND WITH THIS BLURRY PHOTO, IT HAS MADE HUMANITY QUESTION SO MUCH MORE AND REALIZE HOW LITTLE WE REALLY KNOW ABOUT SPACE AND THE UNIVERSE. IT REALLY SHOWS HOW INSIGNIFICANT AND SMALL WE ARE IN THE WHOLE SCHEME OF THINGS. WHILE WE ARE ALL WORRYING ABOUT WHAT TO EAT NEXT OR WHERE TO GO FOR VACATION, AT THE END OF IT ALL, OUR EXISTENCE WONT EVEN REGISTER AS A BLIP IN THE COSMOS. SO IN THE FRACTION OF A SECOND THAT WE ARE HERE, MAKE THE BEST OF IT, AND MAKE IT COUNT!

SO WHATS YOUR TAKE ON BLACK HOLES?

RT

LOST AND FOUND - PART 2

OK, IM WIDE AWAKE RIGHT NOW SO LETS DO THIS!

THIS IS WHAT I WANTED TO SAY BUT DIDNT END UP SAYING BECAUSE I DIDNT WANT TO MAKE IT TOO LONG. ITS FUNNY HOW SOMETHING I USE TO LIKE SORT OF DIED OFF AND THEN RECENTLY I STARTED LIKING IT AGAIN AND STARTED GETTING BACK INTO IT. WHAT YOU LIKE REALLY COMES AND GOES IN WAVES. I LIKED THIS THING A LOT AND IM NOT REALLY SURE HOW I SORTA JUST GOT AWAY FROM IT... THE OTHER PART IS IM NOT SURE WHAT REALLY DREW ME BACK TO IT EITHER... JUST LIKE WRITING THIS BLOG, I SOMEHOW GOT MOTIVATED INTO LOOKING BACK INTO THIS. IN A WAY I AM MORE INTERESTED IN IT NOW THAN I WAS BEFORE. THIS WAS SOMETHING I WORKED ON BEFORE AND NOW I WANT TO SEE IF I CAN REALLY DO IT. I WANT TO DO BETTER THAN I DID BEFORE. ITS JUST LIKE THE BLOG WHERE I WANT TO KEEP WRITING, I TOO WANT TO KEEP GOING.

IN A WAY THIS IS JUST LIKE THE SHOWS IM BEHIND IN. I USE TO FOLLOW WEEK TO WEEK... AND THEN JUST OUT OF NOWHERE, I LOST INTEREST. NOW I WANT TO CATCH BACK UP. THE GOOD THING IS NOW I CAN WATCH A BUNCH OF EPISODES ONE AFTER ANOTHER, AND NOT GETTING WORKED UP OVER WHAT HAPPENS ON THE NEXT EPISODE. ITS GOOD HAVING SEASONS OF SHOWS TO BURN THROUGH, BUT IT TAKE SO LONG BECAUSE THERE ISNT ENOUGH TIME. NOW THERES JUST TOO MANY EPISODES LOL.

YA... AFTER SEEING WHAT I WROTE I REALLY COULD HAVE DONE THIS IN ON POST LOL. BASICALLY, IM MOTIVATED AGAIN ABOUT SOMETHING AND IM GOING TO KEEP WRITING FOR NOW.

RT

OLYMPICS

SO CURRENTLY THE 2016 SUMMER OLYMPICS IS BEING HELD IN RIO, BRAZIL. MY DAD HAS BEEN WATCHING ALMOST ALL DAY AND ALL NIGHT, ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING THAT CATCHES HIS EYES. MYSELF ON THE OTHER HAND SWIMMING, TRACK AND FIELD, AND TAEKWONDO OF COURSE, PLUS ALL THE RANDOM STUFF THAT IS AROUND. WATCHING IT ALL REALLY MAKES ME THINK... COULD I HAVE MADE IT INTO THE OLYMPICS IF I KEPT AT A SPORT??? THE SIMPLE ANSWER IS... YES!!! THATS BECAUSE IM AMAZING AND TOTALLY SKILLED IN EVERYTHING. THE LONG ANSWER IS REALLY DEPENDS ON WHAT SPORT... THERES SOME IM BETTER IN, SOME THAT I DONT EVEN PLAY, SOME I SUCK IN, AND SOME I DONT CARE FOR... SWIMMING AND TAEKWONDO WOULD BE THE OBVIOUS CHOICE AND PROB HIGH JUMP AND LONG JUMP FOR TRACK. I WAS GOOD BACK IN THE DAY... CAUSE IM OLD NOW... BUT IF I REALLY KEPT AT IT... INSTEAD OF GOING TO SCHOOL, GOING OUT, MAKING FRIENDS, PARTYING, AND ALL THE OTHER RANDOM STUFF, I PROBABLY COULD HAVE MADE IT. I HAVE A FRIEND THAT ACTUALLY MADE OLYMPICS AND EVEN THOUGH THEY WERE NATIONAL CHAMPION OR LIKE TOP RANKED IN THE COUNTRY, OR RANKED HIGHLY ON THE WORLD STAGE, IT DOESNT MEAN THAT IT WILL TRANSLATE ON THE OLYMPIC STAGE. USUALLY IT DOES, BUT SOMETIMES IT DOESNT. THAT IS WHY IF YOU THINK ABOUT IT, ALL THE WORLD RECORDS ARE SO MUCH FASTER AND HIGHER THAN THE OLYMPIC RECORDS. THATS CAUSE WORLD CHAMPIONSHIPS AND REGULAR EVENTS ARE HELD ALL THE TIME, WHERE AS OLMPICS IS ONCE EVERY 4 YEARS. SO YOU ONLY HAVE A CHANCE TO BEAT IT ONCE EVERY 4 YEARS. THE ONLY REASON YOU HEAR OLYMPIC SO MUCH MORE IS BECAUSE IT ISSSSSSS EVERY 4 YEARS, AND BECAUSE THEY MAKE THE BIGGEST THING OUT OF IT. EVERYONE IS WATCHING, THE WHOLE WORLD IS WATCHING, EVERYONE KNOWS ABOUT IT. WORLD CHAMPIONSHIPS... NOT SO MUCH... UNLESS YOURE INTO IT. SWIMMING I PROBABLY WOULD HAVE BEEN BEAT IN, TAEKWONDO I PROBABLY COULD HAVE MADE IT, LONG JUMP MOST LIKELY, AND HIGH JUMP EASY. THEN AGAIN... WITH ALL OF LIFE HAPPENING, HOW WOULD I HAVE MADE THAT WORK? MANY ATHLETES HAVE A DAY JOB AND IT TAKES A LOT OF WORK TO MAKE IT TO THE OLYMPICS. THE TIME AND EFFORT AND MONEY THAT IS NEEDED TO GET YOURSELF TO THAT LEVEL IS NOT EASY. ON THE OTHER HAND, THERE ARE THOSE WHOS SOLE JOB IS TO GO TO THE OLYMPICS AND WIN... AKA CHINA AND PLACES. EVERYONE DOES IT FOR THE SPORT THAT THEY LOVE. I PROBABLY COULD HAVE DONE FENCING AND SHOOTING TOO BUT NEVER GOT THE CHANCE TO. THERE ARE SO MANY PEOPLE WHO WOULD HAVE PROBABLY BEEN AMAZING AT SOMETHING BUT NEVER GET THE CHANCE TO TRY IT. I REALLY WISH I KEPT UP WITH SOMETHING... ESPECIALLY SINCE I KNOW I CAN TAKE ON ALL THE PEOPLE THERE RIGHT NOW. BESIDES ALL THAT... CANADA DOESNT HAVE THE SUPPORT SYSTEM IN PLACE FOR ATHLETES WHO SOLE PURPOSE TO TRAIN AND WIN. THEY HAVE REGULAR JOBS AND ALL THE REST OF THE STUFF I MENTIONED ABOVE. ITS HARD ON THEM. CANADA SPONSORS THEM SO LITTLE AND WHEN THEY WIN, THE GET SO LITTLE AS WELL AND JUST GOES BACK TO WORK THE NEXT DAY. PEOPLE WHO WIN IN OTHER COUNTRIES ARE TREATED LIKE HEROES AND ARE GIVEN WHATEVER THEY WANT. CANADA IS TOO EXCITED WHEN THEY SEE A MEDAL... OTHER COUNTRIES HAVE 10 TIMES THAT OF WHICH WE HAVE. YOU KNOW WHAT... IM GONNA GO TRY FOR THE OLYMPICS :) START TRAINING AND BY 34 IL BE THERE HAHA. HEY, WHO KNOWS... STRANGER THINGS HAVE HAPPENED. NOT TO MENTION THERE ARE A LOT OF ATHLETES WHO ARE OLDER TOO LOL.

I WAS ALSO GONNA SAY THAT EVERYTHING I SAID UP TOP REALLY CAN RELATE TO EVERYTHING ELSE AND IN LIFE IN GENERAL. THATS FOR ANOTHER TIME. IM TIRED, GONNA GO SLEEP.

RT

ADULTING...

WELL IVE BEEN ADULTING FOR A WHILE NOW AND ITS HARD... FOR THOSE WHO DONT UNDERSTAND, ADULTING IS BASICALLY DOING GROWN UP PEOPLE STUFF LIKE HAVING RESPONSIBILITIES, A JOB, RENT AND BILLS TO PAY, AND ALL THOSE LOVELY THINGS THAT GROWN UPS GET THE PLEASURE OF HAVING. IVE SORTA TALKED ABOUT THIS BEFORE HERE AND THERE BUT IT REALLY HIT ME HARD WHEN I STARTED BUYING BABY STUFF FOR FRIENDS KIDS... WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT THAT I WOULD BE THE ONE TO BE DOING THESE KINDS OF THINGS... BEING A GROWN UP IS HARD... IT TAKES TIME AND MONEY AND YOU NEVER HAVE ENOUGH OF EITHER. HAVING RESPONSIBILITIES IS STRESSFUL!!! IT REALLY MAKES YOU THINK ABOUT YOURSELF AND WHERE YOU ARE IN LIFE AND WHAT YOU REALLY WANT AND WHAT YOU WANT TO DO. GROWING UP YOU HAVE ALL THESE DREAMS AND GOALS OF BEING A SPY OR AN ACTOR OR A DOCTOR, ONLY TO GROW UP AND REALIZE THAT ITS NOT POSSIBLE OR YOU JUST CANT DO IT OR THAT WHAT YOU WANT TO DO CANT PAY THE BILLS. ITS EVEN WORSE THESE DAYS SINCE EVERYTHING COSTS SO MUCH, HOW CAN YOU EVEN AFFORD TO DO ANYTHING? THERES JUST SO MUCH TO SAY ABOUT THIS TOPIC. IT ALL GOES BACK TO THE BOTTOM LINE OF ARE YOU HAPPY??? IF YOU ARE HAPPY WITH EVERYTHING THEN THATS GREAT, BUT THE ODDS ARE IF YOURE AN ADULT, YOU ARE NOT HAPPY. NOTHING EVER GOES YOUR WAY...AINT THAT RIGHT... LIFE WAS SO MUCH EASIER... NOT A CARE IN THE WORLD AND NOW IM WORRYING ABOUT BABY PRODUCT INSTEAD... YOU JUST HAVE TO GO WITH IT AND MAKE THE BEST OF IT.

I HAVE SO MUCH MORE TO WRITE ABOUT THIS BUT IM PASSING OUT... SOOOO UNTIL NEXT TIME :)

RT

TIME MAKES ONE THINK...

SO IVE TALKED ABOUT THIS BEFORE IN SOME FORM OR ANOTHER BUT DUE TO ME BEING ON INJURY LEAVE FROM WORK CAUSE OF THE CAR ACCIDENT THE TOPIC IS MORE PREVALENT. WHEN IM LAYING THERE, YOUR MIND JUST LIKES TO WORK OVERTIME AND A FLOOD OF QUESTIONING AND JUDGEMENT CREEPS IN... QUESTIONING AND JUDGEMENT OF WHERE I AM, WHERE IVE BEEN, WHERE IM GOING, WHAT IM DOING, WHY..., AND THE MOST IMPORTANT ONE OF ALL... WHAT IF... TIME JUST MAKES YOU THINK OF EVERYTHING YOU DONT WANT TO... I RATHER BE BUSY AND HAVE OTHER THINGS ON MY MIND THAN TO HAVE ME QUESTIONING MYSELF. THE WORST PART IS THAT ITS NOT JUST ONE THING... IT ALWAYS STARTS OFF WITH SOMETHING SMALL WHICH CONNECTS TO SOMETHING BIGGER AND THEN YOU JUMP ISSUES AND SOMEHOW END UP LOOKING BACK AT EVERYTHING YOUVE DONE. IT JUST SNOWBALLS AND SPIRALS OUT OF CONTROL... AND IN THE END YOU DONT EVEN KNOW HOW YOU ENDED UP WHERE YOU WERE WHEN ALL YOU WANTED TO KNOW WAS SOMETHING SIMPLE. YOUR BRAIN REALLY IS AN ASSHOLE... IT CONNECTS THINGS IN THE DUMBEST OF WAYS TO MAKE YOU FEEL THE SHITTIEST OF WAYS... BUT THEN... C'EST LA VIE... 

IM CURRENTLY HAPPY WITH WHERE I AM AND WHAT IM DOING BUT AT THE SAME TIME SOMETHINGS JUST MISSING. I HONESTLY THINK ITS JUST THAT THIS WILL BE A BIG YEAR. IT STARTED OFF IN THE WORST POSSIBLE WAY ALREADY AND MY OWN PERSONAL DEADLINE IS COMING UP. NOT TO MENTION THE BDAY THIS YEAR IS ALSO A BIG ONE... EVERYTHING CAN ONLY LOOK UP FROM THIS POINT AM I RIGHT? EVERYTHING IS STARTING TO FEEL LIKE WHATS THE POINT AGAIN. SO MANY THINGS I WANT TO DO, SO MANY GOALS NOT MET, AND TIME JUST KEEPS ON TICKING. WHO KNOWS WHATS CAUSING THIS... THE TIME OFF, THE MEDS, THE AGE, THE SURROUNDING... WHO KNOWS!!! JUST NEED THAT PUSH AGAIN TO GET MYSELF ON TRACK AGAIN. NEED TO KNOW WHATS IT ALL MEAN OR WHATS THE POINT. THE QUESTIONS THATS BEEN ASKED FOR SO LONG AND THE ANSWER ALWAYS ALLUDES US. SIGH... MAYBE IL BE ABLE TO FIGURE IT ALL OUT... SOONER OR LATER... MAYBE...

HONESTLY THERES SOME THINGS I WANT TO WRITE BUT I DONT WANT TO WRITE THEM... DOES THAT MAKE SENSE... MAYBE ONE DAY WHEN I FINALLY DECIDE TO WRITE ABOUT IT YOU WILL ALL UNDERSTAND.

STILL BEEN BUSY DEALING WITH THE CAR ACCIDENT AND ALL BUT IVE FINALLY BEEN ABLE TO GET A CAR. AFTER SOME SEARCHING AND SOME CONNECTIONS I SHOULD BE PICKING UP THE CAR SOMETIME THIS WEEK.

IM TIRED, IM SORE, I DONT KNOW ANYMORE... JUST... BLA... JUST... BLA... THATS ALL THERE IS TO IT... SO... UNTIL TO NEXT TIME...

RT

THE FIRST STEP IS ALWAYS THE HARDEST

JUST LIKE EVERYTHING IN LIFE, IT ALL STARTS WITH THAT FIRST STEP. THINK ABOUT IT... WAKING UP IN THE MORNING YOU CAN DECIDE TO SNOOZE IT OR WAKE UP AND GO BRUSH UP. DECIDING WHETHER TO EAT SOMETHING EASY LIKE CEREAL OR MAKE SOME BACON AND EGGS. DECIDING TO START READING A BOOK, LEARNING A NEW LANGUAGE, OR TRYING SOMETHING NEW FOR THE FIRST TIME THAT FIRST STEP IS THE ACT OF ACTUALLY GOING FORWARD AND DOING SOMETHING. EVERYTHING STARTS OFF LIKE THAT AND IT JUST CONTINUES ON UNTIL ITS SECOND NATURE. A BABYS FIRST STEP IS PHYSICALLY THE HARDEST FIRST STEP WE WILL TAKE. LATER IN LIFE DECIDING TO GO TO SCHOOL OR GO BACK TO SCHOOL. FINALLY BUYING A CAR, MOVING OUT. DECIDING TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP, GETTING MARRIED, BUYING A HOUSE, HAVING KIDS, ALL THESE ARE STEPS AND NONE OF WHICH COME EASY. WHAT MOTIVATES YOU ENOUGH TO MAKE YOU TAKE THAT FIRST STEP? THE FACT THAT YOU HAVE A JOB? PERHAPS YOU HAVE RESPONSIBILITIES TO TAKE CARE OF AND ONLY YOU CAN DO IT. WHATEVER IT IS, YOU MADE THE DECISION TO TAKE THAT STEP TO DO WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO. FOR ME, PERSONALLY, THE REASON IS CHANGE. I WANT A CHANGE IN SOMETHING, I CANT JUST KEEP DOING WHAT IM DOING. I CONSCIOUSLY KNOW THAT SOMETHING HAS TO CHANGE BEFORE OTHER CHANGES CAN OCCUR. EVERYTHING HAPPENS IN STEPS. AFTER I FINISHED SCHOOL I REALLY DIDNT KNOW WHERE TO GO, I MEAN I GOT A JOB BUT IT WASNT WHERE I WANTED TO END UP. I STARTED LOOKING AT SCHOOL AGAIN AND IT WAS HARD TO ACTUALLY TAKE THAT STEP. ESPECIALLY AFTER BEING IN SCHOOL SO LONG, HAVING STUDENT LOANS, AND BASICALLY NOT LIVING MY LIFE THE WAY I WANTED. DEBATED A LOT, AND TOOK A WHILE LOOKING AT WHAT I WANTED TO GO INTO. EVENTUALLY FOUND SOMETHING I LIKED AND KNEW COULD MAKE A LIVING AND JUST WENT FOR IT. TOOK THAT STEP AND REGISTERED AND WENT THROUGH WITH THE PROGRAM. EVERYTHING IS ABOUT THAT FIRST STEP, IF YOU NEVER TRY, HOW WILL YOU EVER KNOW? PEOPLE THESE DAYS ARE JUST TOO COMFORTABLE AND DONT WANT TO LEAVE THEIR COMFORT ZONE. NOTHING EVER WORTH DOING WAS EASY... IF IT WAS THEN EVERYONE WOULD HAVE DONE IT ALREADY. THEN AGAIN A LOT OF PEOPLE THESE DAYS ARE JUST AFRAID TO TRY ANYTHING, NOT KNOWING IF THEY COULD DO IT OR MAKE IT. THEY ARE JUST AFRAID OF WHAT THEY DONT KNOW, SO TO NOT BE AFRAID THEY JUST STAY WHERE THEY ARE AND NEVER TAKING THAT STEP. FEAR OF FAILURE, FEAR OF THE UNKNOWN, FEAR OF DISAPPOINTMENT... NONE OF THESE FEARS ARE REAL... THEY ARE ALL IN YOUR HEAD AND IF YOU CAN GET PAST THAT FEAR, THEN YOU WILL TRULY BE ABLE TO DO ANYTHING YOU WANT. IF YOU ALL REMEMBER A FEW MONTHS BACK FOR MY BDAY POST I MENTIONED THAT I GAVE MYSELF A DEADLINE OF 1 YEAR. NOT MANY PEOPLE KNOW WHAT IT IS AND IVE ONLY TOLD A FEW PEOPLE. ITS A HEFTY GOAL THAT I SET FOR MYSELF, AND ODDS ARE THAT IT CANT BE DONE IN JUST 1 YEAR, BUT LIKE I SAID... IF I NEVER TRY, HOW WILL I EVER KNOW? RIGHT??? THE ENTIRE TIME IVE BEEN WANTING TO START AND I KEEP TELLING MYSELF THAT IM GOING TO START... AND A DAY GOES BY... WEEKS... MONTHS... I KEEP SAYING IM TIRED FROM WORK, OR IM GOING OUT, OR AFTER THIS TV SHOW, OR IM JUST LAZY... AND UP TO A FEW DAYS AGO I STILL HAVENT STARTED... THATS ABOUT 100 DAYS GONE... BUT NOW I CAN ACTUALLY SAY THAT I TOOK THAT FIRST STEP, I TOOK THAT HARDEST STEP AND MOVED FORWARD. NOW THAT I HAVE STARTED, ITS NOT THAT HARD TO CONTINUE, JUST HAVE TO KEEP ON GOING, AND KEEP AT IT. WHO KNOWS... MAYBE IF I KEEP THIS UP THAT 1 YEAR DEADLINE MIGHT ACTUALLY HAPPEN LOL. HAVING SPENT THIS MUCH TIME, MONEY, AND ENERGY ON THIS ALREADY MY ONLY CHOICE IS TO STICK THIS OUT AND SEE WHERE IT LEADS TO. IF IT WORKS OUT THEN GREAT, IF IT DOESNT THEN AT LEAST I CAN SAY I TRIED AND I KNOW. IN THE END NO ONE CAN DO IT FOR YOU. YOU HAVE TO DECIDE FOR YOURSELF IF YOU WANT TO TAKE THAT STEP. ITS GOING TO BE HARD, ITS GOING TO BE SLOW, AT TIMES YOU MIGHT FEEL LIKE GIVING UP, BUT IN THE END JUST REMEMBER, HARD WORK ALWAYS PAYS OFF. SO NO MATTER HOW HARD THAT FIRST STEP MIGHT BE... WHATEVER YOUR SITUATION MAY BE... DO IT FOR YOURSELF AND TAKE IT.

RT

THAT HEADSPACE...

ONCE AGAIN INEVITABLY YOU WILL REACH THAT HEADSPACE WHERE YOU WONDER... WONDER ABOUT WHAT YOU ARE DOING... WONDER WHERE YOU ARE GOING... WONDER WHAT IT ALL MEANS... ITS A NATURAL PART OF LIFE, AND IN EACH OF YOUR MINDS A STORM IS BREWING AND A BATTLE IS WAGED. HOW DO YOU LOOK FOR ANSWERS AND WHERE DO YOU DO THAT... ANSWERS THAT CANT BE ANSWERED BY ANYONE BUT YOURSELF. IVE WROTE ABOUT THIS BEFORE BUT LIKE CLOCKWORK THESE QUESTIONS WILL CREEP BACK INSIDE YOUR HEAD AND MAKE YOU WONDER... MAKE YOU QUESTION IT ALL... QUESTION EVERYTHING YOU KNOW AND EVERYTHING YOU ARE. NO ONE CAN ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS AND THATS WHATS FRUSTRATING... EVERYONE IS ON THEIR OWN PATH... THEIR OWN JOURNEY... AND NO ONE KNOWS WHERE IT BEGINS OR ENDS. SOME PEOPLE FIGURE IT ALL OUT QUICKLY AND OTHERS TAKE A LIFETIME TO KNOW, AND SOME WILL NEVER FIND OUT THE ANSWER. PEOPLE TAKE TIME OFF TO FIND THEMSELVES AND SOME ARE LUCKY ENOUGH TO FIND THE ANSWERS THEY ARE LOOKING FOR. ANSWERS CAN COME FROM ANYWHERE, IT MIGHT BE SOMETHING YOU READ OR SEE OR HEAR, IT COULD BE A MEMORY, OR IT COULD COME TO YOU IN A DREAM AND WHEN YOU WAKE UP, ALL IS CLEAR. ANSWERS COULD COME FROM INSPIRATION, PASSION, LOVE, HATE, HAPPINESS, SADNESS, AND A MILLION DIFFERENT FEELINGS AND PLACES. POETS AND PHILOSOPHERS HAVE ALL TRIED TO ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS AND EVEN TO THEM THE ANSWERS ARE NOT CLEAR. TOO MANY QUESTIONS IN LIFE AND TOO LITTLE TIME TO FIGURE IT ALL OUT AND WHAT IT ALL MEANS. I GUESS IL LOOK WITHIN AND SEE IF IT COMES TO ME IN MY DREAM TONIGHT. I JUST NEED TO GET LOST TO FIND MYSELF. IN THE END, DONT WE ALL JUST WANT ANSWERS TO THE QUESTIONS THAT WE HAVE???

RT

DAY BY DAY... STEP BY STEP

WELL... AS USUAL... AND ONCE AGAIN... EVERYTHING TAKES TIME, AND EVERYTHING WILL TAKE AS LONG AS IT HAS TO. YOU CANT RUSH THESE THINGS, YOU HAVE NO CONTROL OF IT. THE MORE YOU TRY TO CONTROL IT, THE LESS CONTROL YOU WILL ACTUALLY HAVE. SO WHATEVER YOUR "IT" IS, TAKE IT DAY BY DAY, AND TAKE IT STEP BY STEP. TAKE YOUR GOALS FOR EXAMPLE, YOU DONT GO FROM NOTHING AND BEING AT THE BOTTOM, TO BEING AT THE TOP. IT TAKE TIME AND ENERGY TO GET TO WHERE YOU ARE. THE ONLY THING YOU CAN DO IS WORK ON WHATEVER YOU NEED TO DAY BY DAY AND STEP BY STEP. TAKE LEARNING AS AN EXAMPLE. ITS THE SAME THING, THERES NO WAY YOU CAN LEARN EVERYTHING AT ONCE, YOU LEARN THINGS DAY BY DAY AND STEP BY STEP. IF YOU WANT TO GET SOMETHING, OR LEARN SOMETHING, OR GO SOMEWHERE, YOU HAVE TO WORK FOR IT DAY AFTER DAY, JUST BUILD ON WHAT YOU HAVE, AND EVENTUALLY YOU WILL GET WHAT YOU WANT OR GET TO WHERE YOU WANT TO BE. THERES MORE TO BE SAID.......... BUT YOU ALL GET THE POINT :)

REST OF LIFE IS BUSY BUSY BUSY, THERES NOT ENOUGH TIME TO DO ANYTHING ANYMORE... NEED MORE TIME!!!!!!!!!!!! FOOTBALL (SOCCER) SEASON IS STARTING THIS WEEKEND AND FOOTBALL (FOOTBALL) IS STARTING IN APRIL. OUR NEW TEAM IS GOING TO BE GREAT!!! I CANT WAIT TO START PLAYING. OH OH OH I WON TICKETS TONIGHT TO GO WATCH "RUN ALL NIGHT" WITH LIAM NEESON AND ED HARRIS... THE MOVIE WAS OK... NOTHING SPECIAL... SLOW AT TIMES SO YA... COULD HAVE BEEN BETTER LOL. NOW TIME TO SLEEP SO I CAN WAKE UP AND GET BACK TO THE HUSTLE HAHA.

RT

THOUGHT OBSESSED THOUGHTS

HONESTLY IF YOU CAN BELIEVE IT OR NOT... TODAY THERE REALLY IS NO POST... I COULDNT COME UP WITH A TOPIC AND THE TOPIC I CAME UP WITH TURNS OUT I WROTE ABOUT IT ALREADY... IVE BEEN QUITE BUSY AT WORK THAT I REALLY HAVENT DONE MUCH BESIDES THAT... BETWEEN WORKING LATE AND THE MEETINGS, I COME HOME AND JUST CHILL OUT... EAT A BIT AND WATCH A BIT OF TV BEFORE PASSING OUT... LOL. LAST WEEK WAS A LONG... LONGGGGGGGG WEEK... AT THE END OF LAST WEEK I WAS JUST SO BEAT THAT I NEED TO JUST PARTY IT ALL OUT HAHA. LAST MINUTE DECISION AND ENDED UP GOING TO MARK SIXMA. HIS STYLES A BIT DIFFERENT THAN EVERYTHING ELSE BUT IT WAS A GOOD PARTY. JUST HUNG OUT WITH THE BOYS AND FOR $25 IT WAS WELL WORTH IT. THE RECOVERY THOUGH... LETS JUST SAY IM NOT AS YOUNG AS I USE TO... RECOVERY TIME IS A BIT SLOW NOW... LOL. WELL COMING UP I DO HAVE 2 PARTIES... GET TOGETHER WITH GARETH EMERY, MS54, AND ILAN BLUESTONE WHO I HAVENT SEEN YET AND ITS GONNA BE A GOOD PARTY :) GOT SOME TIME TO RECOVER SINCE ITS GOING TO BE OVER THE FAMILY WEEKEND AND NEXT WEEK I GOT ORJAN NILSEN ONE OF THE DJS I REALLY LIKE AND I FINALLY GET TO SEE HIM TOO WOOOO AND THATS GOING TO BE ON VALENTINES DAY... LOL THATS QUITE INTERESTING... PARTY ON THAT DAY??? WELL NOT LIKE I HAVE ANYTHING ELSE BETTER TO DO OR HAVE ANYONE TO SPEND IT WITH... HAHA........... WAIT... *CRIES A BIT* LOLOL JKJK ACTUALLY IVE BEEN SO BUSY AND FOCUSED ON WORK THE PAST LITTLE WHILE THAT ITS HASNT REALLY BEEN ON MY MIND... I HAVE TONS TO DO RIGHT NOW AND I KNOW FOR A FACT THAT END OF FEBRUARY WILL BE CRAZY BUSY FOR ME... DONT GET ME WRONG I MEAN I HAVE BEEN THINKING ABOUT IT BUT ITS DIFFERENT... I DONT REALLY KNOW HOW TO EXPLAIN IT... WELL I DO... SORTA... BUT HEY THATS FOR ME TO KNOW AND YOU TO FIND OUT HAHA.

BESIDES HOW MUCH FUN WORK IS OCCUPYING MY EVERY THOUGHT... THERES ACTUALLY ANOTHER THOUGHT THATS BEEN ON MY MIND NONSTOP... AND THERES NOT MUCH I CAN REALLY DO ABOUT IT RIGHT NOW... HAVE YOU EVER THOUGHT ABOUT SOMETHING SO MUCH THAT IT CONSUMES YOUR ENTIRE DAY??? THE FIRST THOUGHT IN THE MORNING WHEN YOU WAKE UP, AND THE LAST THOUGHT BEFORE YOU FALL  ASLEEP IS OF THAT... THE THOUGHT JUST POPS UP NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO AND THERES NO WAY TO SHAKE IT... THE MORE YOU TRY, THE HARDER YOU THINK ABOUT IT AND THEN BEFORE YOU REALIZED IT YOU ARE OBSESSING OVER IT AND EVERYTHING ABOUT IT... IT DOESNT MATTER WHAT YOU DO... SOMEHOW THAT AMAZING GREAT BRAIN OF YOURS IS ABLE TO LINK WHATEVER YOU DO TO WHAT YOU ARE OBSESSING OVER... DOESNT MATTER IF YOU ARE WALKING OR DRIVING OR EATING OR WATCHING TV OR PLAYING SPORTS OR WATCHING A MOVIE OR ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING... EVEN OBJECTS... EVERYTHING REMINDS YOU... SOMEHOW YOUR MIND JUST WANDERS BACK TO IT AND YOU WONT STOP THINKING ABOUT IT... WRITING ABOUT IT REALLY DOESNT HELP EITHER SINCE NOW IM FOCUSED SOLELY ON IT... AND I PROBABLY WONT STOP THINKING ABOUT IT... GOOD JOB RICKY... SHOULD YOU JUST STOP THINKING ABOUT IT... WELL YOU CANT... EVEN IF NOTHING REMINDS YOU OF IT, FEELINGS OR EMOTIONS AND JUST GENERAL CURIOSITY WILL BRING YOU BACK TO IT... YOU KNOW WHATS FUNNY... SONGS... SONGS ARE THE WORST!!! EVEN WHEN YOU ARE NOT ACTUALLY THINKING ABOUT IT A SONG AND THEIR LYRICS WILL TRIGGER SOMETHING AND WOOOO HERE WE GO AGAIN... WHAT DO YOU DO... WHAT CAN YOU DO... WHAT SHOULD YOU DO... I GUESS THERES NOT MUCH YOU CAN DO... YOU JUST HAVE TO WAIT... WAIT FOR SOMETHING TO HAPPEN... WAIT FOR IT TO CLEAR UP... OR DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT... BUT CAN YOU??? WHAT IF ITS NOT UP TO YOU... HOW CAN YOU DO SOMETHING THATS OUTSIDE OF YOUR CONTROL... IS TRYING ENOUGH... IS HOPING ENOUGH... IS ANYTHING ENOUGH... THERES A REASON WHY IT IS SO... AND I GUESS ONCE AGAIN... IT COMES BACK TO MY GOOD OLD FRIEND... TIME...... AND EVENTUALLY... IT WILL WORK ITSELF OUT AND YOU WILL SEE WHAT IT IS FOR WHAT IT IS... BUT UNTIL THAT TIME... I GUESS IL JUST SIT HERE AND OBSESS ABOUT IT...

RT

EVERYONE MAKES MISTAKES

I KNOW WHAT YOURE ALL THINKING... ME... MAKE MISTAKES??? THATS UNPOSSIBLE!!! LOL IM TOO PERFECT AND EVERYTHING THAT THERES NO WAY THAT I CAN MAKE A MISTAKE. WELL... THE HONEST BRUTAL COLD TRUTH IS THAT EVERYONE MAKES MISTAKES... EVEN ME... WE MAKE MISTAKES ALL THE TIME, I MEAN MAKING A WRONG TURN, OR SAYING SOMEONES NAME WRONG, OR GETTING A FACT WRONG, THESE ARE ALL MISTAKES, BUT THE MISTAKES IM TALKING ABOUT ARE A LITTLE BIT BIGGER AND AFFECT A PERSON MORE. THE MISTAKE IM TALKING ABOUT IS MAKING THE DECISION THAT LEADS YOU DOWN A DIFFERENT PATH. NOW... THAT COULD BE A CAREER PATH, A FUN PATH, A BAD PATH. THERES SUCH A BIG SPECTRUM THAT I REALLY CANT COVER AND WONT COVER BUT YOU ALL GET MY POINT. SO YOU MADE A MISTAKE AND NOW YOURE GOING DOWN A DIFFERENT PATH THAN YOU THOUGHT YOU WOULD HAVE GONE, YOU THOUGHT THIS WAS THE RIGHT PATH... BUT ITS NOT... BUT IN A WAY IT WAS RIGHT... FOR THAT MOMENT IN TIME, IT WAS THE RIGHT DECISION OR AT LEAST YOU THOUGHT IT WAS... SO WHAT DO YOU DO... CAN YOU GO BACK AND TAKE THE MISTAKE BACK??? YOU JUST WISH YOU CAN TAKE IT BACK AND JUST GO BACK TO THE WAY THINGS WERE PREVIOUSLY. GUESS WHAT... ITS TOO LATE... THINGS WERE SAID, THINGS WERE DONE, PEOPLE MOVE ON. SO THE QUESTION IS STILL WHAT DO YOU DO... DO YOU TRY TO FIX YOUR MISTAKE? DO YOU MOVE ON? DO YOU GIVE IT TIME? WHO KNOWS... EVERYTHING IS UP TO YOU AND NOTHING IS UP TO YOU. ONE MISTAKE, ONE CHOICE, ONE DECISION HAS A RIPPLE EFFECT THROUGH EVERYTHING. WHAT I CAN TELL YOU IS FROM EXPERIENCE... THE SOONER YOU REALIZE YOU MADE A MISTAKE, THE SOONER YOU CAN LEARN FROM IT AND MOVE ON. IF YOU CAN RECOGNIZE IT AND LEARN FROM IT THEN ITS NOT A WASTED MISTAKE. YOU LEARN THAT 1 + 1 DOESNT EQUAL 5 AND THAT 1 + 1 IS ACTUALLY 2 THEN NEXT TIME YOU WILL KNOW AND CAN APPLY YOUR KNOWLEDGE TO IT. NEVER WASTE A CHANCE TO LEARN BECAUSE IT ONLY BETTERS YOURSELF IN THE END. EVERYONE MAKES MISTAKES, ITS NATURAL, ITS HUMAN, ITS HOW WE GROW AS PEOPLE.

WELL... THAT WAS MOST DEFINITELY A POST WITH MORE SUBSTANCE, JUST LIKE OLD TIMES LOL. LOTS OF THINKING LATELY IF YOU HAVENT NOTICED... REALLY WANTED TO WRITE THIS POST THIS WEEK ACTUALLY... BEEN WAITING TO WRITE THIS ALL WEEK... IF YOU HAVENT ALREADY GUESSED IT... I MADE A MISTAKE... IT EATS AT YOU... AND YOU JUST WANT TO SAY EVERYTHING YOU WANT BUT YOU CANT... NOT THAT YOU CANT BUT YOU JUST DONT HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO DO IT... ON ANOTHER NOTE... WORKS WORK AS USUAL... BEEN BUSY PAST COUPLE OF WEEKS WITH MEETINGS AND THEN PAST WEEK JUST BEEN PLAYING CATCH UP WITH PAPERWORK... CHRISTMAS TIME SO I GUESS I SHOULD GET SOME PRESENTS... MEH LOL. OH YA... SO LAST THURSDAY WAS MY LAST FINAL FINAL EXAM!!! IM ACTUALLY DONE DONE!!! FINALLY!!!!!!!!!!!! THIS COURSE WAS THE HARDEST BUT IT WAS OK, JUST THE FINAL WAS HARDER THAN NORMAL I THINK. THIS IS GONNA BRING MY MARK DOWN A BIT BUT WHO CARES IM DONE!!! NOW I CAN APPLY TO GET ANOTHER PIECE OF PAPER HAHA. AS I MENTIONED LAST TIME FOR SOME REASON IM STILL IN SCHOOL... IM REALLY DONE THIS TIME... I THINK... I HOPE... HAHA. GUESS WE JUST HAVE TO WAIT AND SEE... WELL I DO HAVE 1 MORE THING TO DO BUT THATS IN JANUARY AND IM STARTING ON THAT NOW CAUSE I NEED TIME TO PREP. IM ALSO BEHIND IN ALMOST ALL MY SHOWS... BUT SOON!!! I SHALL WATCH YOU ALL!!! LOL THERES ANOTHER WEEK FOR YOU ALL FOLKS. GOODNIGHT :)

RT